According to What They Say

They say shaking a weight
for just six minutes a day
will shape and tone flabby arms.
But when I tried to exercise this way
it caused my shoulder harm.

They say asparagus
is a miracle cure for cancer
when cooked and pureed.
But it only turned my urine green
and made it smell for days.

They say the greeting card virus
would infect my computer
then turn it into a zombie.
But when I deleted all emails
I missed the friend’s discount at Abercrombie.

They say all these things
to help or protect me
but none of it turns out to be true.
Should I listen to them or to myself?
Dear Lord, please tell me what to do!